Why am I silent?

I'm always being on the sidelines and trying not to be seen. Sometimes I have a lot to say, but I'll keep it for myself. I feel, however, moved away from the whole thing and what is going on, because I expect too much? This is the last year of this class, they say that people are getting closer together at this time. I would like to join and be a part of this. I wish that one day someone mentioned me, but I seem to be too indistinct. I'm afraid that I won't understand what they say and that constant repetition will discourage them. Perhaps both sides are waiting for that first step, and I don't know if I can do it. The fact that I can't express myself so well in Swedish and understand others makes me nervous, but this is the basis of being social, right? I feel that I blush every time I open my mouth to the person I've never talked to before. I want to change it, and finally to establish my place, even for these last ten months. Time after time, I observe and listen, but never take part, and I'm tired of being an outsider. However, this is a part of my personality and the role I play. There are popular people, but they wouldn't be if not the ones on the fringes of society - if not me. I am shy and reticent at the beginning, but survive and you may feel that it was worthwhile to spend this time in silence?